The Nefarious NonFan Fiction
by GigaMetroid99
Summary: This unfortunate tale of misery and woe recounts the tale of the Baudelaires after their departure from the nameless island, starting with Beatrice's separation from her guardians.


**A/N: I probably won't be updating this story until I finish the rest of it. That way I can update new chapters at regular intervals later on. I only posted the first chapter to see what you think. So think of this as a sort of sneak-peek.**

Chapter 1

If you have ever used the Internet, and, if you are reading this at all, you probably have, you will most likely have heard the term "fan fiction". Fan fiction is a phrase which here refers to stories that are written by fans of a usually fictitious book, movie, or television program using characters from such fictitious books, movies, and television programs. However, this particular story is no such thing, for two reasons. Firstly, this story is based on the very non-fictitious tale of the Baudelaire orphans. Secondly, because there is no possible way that there could ever be a fan of the horrible story of three young and mistreated orphans as they travel from one precarious situation to the next. Precarious is a word which here means, "about to fall off of something, such as a boat in the middle of a lake full of hungry leeches, the top of a dark and frightening elevator shaft, a plank placed over a pit of lions, or the top of a large hotel, categorized by the Dewey Decimal System, which also happens to be on fire, among other things."

It is for these reasons that I will dub this story a "non-fan fiction". I shall warn you now that anything you read after this point may very well be completely untrue. Lemony Snicket is very much dead, and not in hiding, despite what he has been claiming. It is without further ado that the non-fan fiction shall begin, starting from where the thirteenth and supposedly final book, _The End_, ended.

Violet, Klaus, Sunny, and Beatrice Baudelaire were in yet another desperate situation.

"We are in yet another desperate situation!" exclaimed Violet, trying with all her might to cling to the mast of their small boat as it was thrown about over the harsh sea. Violet was looking around the boat in search of inventing materials, but most of the cargo that the Baudelaire orphans had brought with them had already been flung overboard. Violet was the oldest Baudelaire, now sixteen years old, and nothing appealed to her more than making inventions. In fact, right now she wanted to make an invention more than she ever had in her entire life, so that she could save both her siblings and godchild from the terrible oceanic storm that had attacked them. When concentrating on inventions, she usually tied her long hair in a ribbon to keep it out of her eyes so as not to distract her. However, Violet's hands were occupied with holding herself to the mast, and in any case, what with the whistling wind and rocking boat, she was so distracted that tying up her hair would have made no difference at all.

"Oh!" cried Klaus in surprise. Klaus, the middle Baudelaire, was fourteen years old, and loved to read. When Klaus was younger, he like to spend his nights reading, long after his bedtime, a book in one hand and a flashlight in the other. He would often be found asleep the next morning with his glasses still on. He had read more books than most people in the world, and remembered every little detail in every book he had read. As a result, he was by far the most intelligent Baudelaire. That is not to say the others weren't intelligent, but he was even more so. However, he had no time for such leisurely activities as reading at the moment, as he was about to be thrown into the sea with the books, food, and maps that had already fallen out.

"Klaus!" cried the youngest of the siblings, Sunny Baudelaire. Sunny was still quite young, at approximately three years old, but she was much more mature than one might expect. Sunny's passion was cooking, and she was better and making delicious food than even her brother and sister. Sunny was unusual in that she had four very large, very sharp teeth, but as she grew bigger, her teeth became more proportionate to her mouth. As long has her mouth was clean, she could use her teeth to substitute with a knife if she needed. She had been wondering what meal to make for lunch just before the storm hit them. Sunny pulled out her whisk, which had been given to her by a girl named Friday, and that she liked to use more than any other cooking utensil. This time, however, she was not about to use it to beat an egg. She was going to use it to save her brother.

Unfortunately, she was too late, and Klaus tumbled right off the boat, glasses flying off his face. Sunny dashed forward and held out her whisk. Klaus grabbed it, but he was of course was much heavier than Sunny, and nearly pulled her into the water, as well. Violet released one hand from the mast and grabbed Sunny by the feet. Violet could feel her grip slipping from the wet and slippery pole, and immediately she let go. The last thing she needed was to have her hand slip off unexpectedly and fall down. Instead, she concentrated on keeping her sister in her hands.

Just then, Sunny's whisk flew out of her hands and Klaus, blind without protective eye wear, frantically grabbed for the boat. Violet put Sunny down and strode quickly but carefully over to the edge of the boat. Sunny grabbed the mast to stay steady, just as Violet had done. Violet grabbed Klaus and heaved him back on board. He looked to his two sisters gratefully.

"Thank you," he said, and tried to hold onto the mast as well. He looked down at Sunny. "I'm sorry I dropped your whisk. I hope you'll forgive me. I know it was your favorite cooking utensil."

Sunny looked into the ocean at the whisk, and back at Klaus. "As long as it helped save you," she said, "the whisk was worth sacrificing. I'm more worried for your eyesight. You're blind as a bat without glasses."

"We can get new ones," said Klaus. He was remembering a time long ago, when his glasses had broken several times, and he had to visit a villainous optometrist for new ones, only to have her hypnotize him. It was not a happy memory.

Meanwhile, Violet had taken out her ribbon, and her siblings knew at once that she was about to try to invent something. Although she knew that her hair was the least of her distractions at the moment, tying it up had become such an ingrown habit of hers that she did it automatically.

Amidst the panic from the sudden storm, one Baudelaire had been nearly forgotten. As Klaus heard little Beatrice Baudelaire crying just loud enough to be heard, he ran over to her, beside himself with anger that he had not realized she was still there. He picked up the one-year-old and held her against his chest to protect her from the sharp raindrops hailing from above.

"Gans!" shrieked Beatrice angrily. Beatrice was still very young, and wasn't used to using words that most people understood. However, she had no trouble communicating to her godparents, especially Sunny. In this case, "gans" probably meant something along the lines of "Please never forget about me again!" Beatrice was the daughter of Kit Snicket, who had died while giving birth to her, but not before leaving her in the care of the Baudelaires.

"There's nothing useful here!" said Violet, sounding disappointed. She took her ribbon out of her hair in frustration just as a particularly fierce gust of wind hit the small boat. It ripped the ribbon from her hand and dropped it into the ocean, leaving it to join the pair of glasses and whisk. Watching her ribbon float helplessly down into the water, she got a sudden inspiration. "We could make a Vaporetto of Favorite Detritus! Remember how Kit made a raft of her favorite books to save herself? We could make one!"

Klaus looked at her quickly. "Of course! Most of our favorite detritus has been thrown overboard, but I don't really care what it's made of, as long as we can reach shore safely!"

He went to set down Beatrice, intending to help make the raft, but Violet said "Klaus, I'm not sure if you are fit to help make it. Your glasses-"

"Yes, that's true," said Klaus, slightly put out. He watched as the two blurs that were his sisters dashed around the boat, grabbing various detritus and using a long rope to tie it all together. Before long, they had a raft made of boxes, books, and several other things that they had brought with them.

"Come on, Klaus! There's not much time!" Violet cried. Klaus, holding Beatrice, walked slowly toward the raft, making sure not to trip over anything. He stuck out his foot to test how close he was to it, and set Beatrice down onto it before climbing on himself.

Violet, being the only one able to, pushed their Vaporetto of Various Detritus into the water, and jumped off the rocking boat onto it, not a moment too soon. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny watched sadly as the small boat that had once belonged to their parents, and was named after their mother, capsized.

As the storm continued to rage, the raft rocked more and more violently. The four children were sure that they would be thrown into the depths of the ocean at any moment. A particularly forceful wave hit the Vaporetto of Various Detritus, and the Baudelaire siblings were reminded of a time long ago, when leeches were ramming into their stolen sailboat. At that time, they had been saved by the villainous Count Olaf. Now, however, there was no one to save them. No one knew that there were four innocent children all alone in an unfamiliar ocean, seconds away from death. No one even knew that any of them were alive.

Another strong wave shook the raft, and this time one Baudelaire's grip was not strong enough. Little Beatrice flew into the air, crying loudly. Klaus was the first to react, and he jumped forward to catch her. However, unable to see, he missed, and she tumbled into the water. Violet bounded forward to grab her hand, but by the time she reached out to grab her goddaughter, her hand had already sunk below the surface.

"No!" Violet cried defiantly. "I'll just have to jump down after her!"

"Violet, you can't!" Klaus exclaimed, holding her back. "The only thing jumping off this raft will accomplish is one more death than there needs to be. I hate myself for saying it, but you wouldn't be simply risking your life by trying to save her. It would be suicide. Face it, Violet, there's nothing we can do."

It is sad but often suffered experience to witness something horrible happen and know that there is nothing you can do to prevent it. The Baudelaires knew, of course, that they _could_ have jumped in to save her, but their actions would be ineffectual, a word which here means "not able to save little Beatrice." For instance, you may see your friend cheating on a test, and you may want to tell him to stop before he was caught. But then you would realize that you could easily be mistaken for cheating if you talked to him, and decide against it. You could tell yourself that there was nothing you could have done to help him, but you may still feel guilty that you did not spring into action when the time called for it when you see that your friend has gotten a zero on the test for cheating, as if it had been your fault that they had decided to do their studying during the test, and with another person's paper. I once knew a woman who found herself in a horrific situation involving a fire. I know that there was nothing I could have done to save her, simply because I did not know it was happening at the time. And yet night after night I tell myself that, if I had been present at her home, rather than trapped under a piano with a villainous dentist, I might have saved her life, and to this day it feels as if I were responsible for the wicked crime. The Baudelaires stared at the water where their godchild sank, remembering their vow to Kit to take her in as their own. They knew that there was nothing they could do to save her, but all the same felt as though they may as well have pushed her overboard.

The Baudelaires continued to watch the water, as if hoping Beatrice might swim right back up. When she did not, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny hung their heads. "She's gone..." Violet murmured, tears welling up in her eyes, and the three Baudelaire siblings knew that there was nothing they could do.


End file.
